


Shadows Still Remain

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-10-09
Updated: 1999-10-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 00:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11137902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ray meets someone special when on a stakeout.





	Shadows Still Remain

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

DISCLAIMER: Ray and Fraser and all the rest don't belong to me

August, 1999

  * DISCLAIMER: 
Ray and Fraser and all the rest don't belong to me. I'll give them back when I'm done. Ryan DeRusso is mine, so if for some bizarre reason you want to use her, let me know. The song lyrics belong to Sting and the Police. 
  * Dedication: This is dedicated to absolutely no one. TNT didn't air the last episode of Due South last night because of the NBA draft. I am very upset about this. To help ease my pain over that, I'm writing this little story. I have no clue how it's going to turn out, but I feel like writing, so here it is. But I will thank my brother, cause he's living in Montana with cows and I use his name in here. I guess this is sort of the authors note too. 



Since I started this in August, and I finished in October, I am dedicating this to two people who mean a lot to me. This is dedicated to my bother Andy, cause he got everything done while I was in the hospital, and to Crazee, 'cause she's just great. 

 

  * Authors Note: This story is rated R for language and some sexual content. This is a Kowalski/Female pairing. This story takes place somewhere during the fourth season sometime. Ryan is pretty much the best female character I have ever come up with. Also, I'm sort of going nuts with the fonts and what not. Don't mind me! This story is the first of what I hope to be a series, if all goes according to plan. But the best laid plans often fail...Oh well, enough of my insane rambling. On to the story!



* * *

   
 ****

Shadows Still Remain

* * *

By:  
Jedi Lyssa

 

/Just a castaway,/

/An island lost at sea./

/Another lonely day/.

/No one here but me./

/My loneliness,/ 

/Any man could bear./

/Rescue me before I fall into despair.../

 

It had been a long night, and Detective Ray Veccio, formerly known as Ray Kowalski, just wanted to go home and go to sleep. But of course, that would not be possible because Ray worked with a Mountie, and Mounties apparently didn't need sleep.

"Look, Fraser, we have been here all night, and the bad guys didn't show. It is one a.m. in the morning, and my ass is asleep. Can we please go home?" Ray said, knowing it was futile. Fraser would sit here, in the dark, in the car until the bad guys did show up. Even if that was when hell froze over.

"Ray..." Fraser started.

"Ah, can it Fraze." Ray said, waving his hand in the air to silence his partner. "I know. Gotta wait, Mounties always get there man and all that. I know." Ray slunk down in the front seat of his car. It seemed to him like they were always waiting around for some stolen arms dealer, or drug dealer, or terrorist or whatever. This time it was a homicide case. One Mr. Ed Logan had shot a fellow hit man. According to Fraser, the shooter would be here tonight to meet with some other criminal for payment. Or something like that.

But it was past midnight and no one had showed up. They were of course waiting around outside of an abandoned warehouse on the shore of the lake. Bad guys always had meetings in abandoned warehouses.

"There." Fraser said quietly.

"Huh?" Ray mumbled, sitting up.

"Sh!" Fraser admonished. "I see someone. Over there." 

"Oh yeah." Ray looked where Fraser was indicating. A dark figure was making their way along the shore.

"That could be our man." Fraser said, peering through the darkness.

"So we move?" Ray said, getting ready to leap into action. He just wanted this night to be over.

"Let's wait a moment. It could just be someone out for a stroll." Fraser said.

"Oh yeah, 'cause normal people go walking around abandoned warehouses in the middle of the night all the time." Ray muttered under his breath. Sometimes Fraser really got on his nerves.

"Wait...There." Fraser pointed. Another figure was coming up the shore, behind the first.

"There's our guy. Let's move Fraser." Ray said, getting out of the car. The two figures stopped, mid-stride.

"Chicago PD!" Ray said, pulling out his gun and heading towards the two people. Just then, another car pulled up to the warehouse. Then everything started happening too fast.

The second person on the shore pulled a gun, and grabbed the first. A man stepped out of the car, also armed. 

"I've got a hostage!" The one on the shore called out. "Drop your gun!"

"Wha...?" Ray was confused. What had just happened? Not knowing what else to do, he put his gun on the ground. The man holding the hostage relaxed a little bit. That was his mistake. 

Out of nowhere, Diefenbaker leapt on him, growling and snarling. The hostage pulled away, grabbed the gun, and aimed it at the man that had come out of the car. Ray picked up his gun, and pointed at him too.

"Drop your weapon." Ray said. "You're under arrest." The man looked about him, trying to find an escape route. "I said drop your weapon!" Ray repeated.

"You won't take me that easily!" The man yelled. _Oh, that's original_ , Ray thought. _That must be Logan. Gee, this was pretty easy. Hey, where's Fraser? Shouldn't he be..._

"Don't just stand there, you idiot!" Ray heard a woman scream. "He's getting away!"

"Huh?" Ray snapped back to attention. Somehow, Logan had gotten into his car and was driving away. Luckily, Ray could hear the wail of sirens that told him Fraser had called for backup. 

"For God's sake!" The woman said again, and began shooting at the departing car.

"Hey, calm down!" Ray said.

"That would be the backup." Fraser said, handing Ray his cell phone. "They should intercept Logan. In the meantime, it would be a wise decision to arrest the man Diefenbaker has incapacitated at the moment." 

"Uh, yeah." Ray said, cuffing the man on the ground and stating his rights. The woman had stopped shooting as the car drove out of sight.

"Great." The woman said. "Between you standing there like a post and big red chasing the car, he almost had a hard time getting away."

"Who the hell are you?" Ray demanded. "And what the hell are you doing out here at one in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep so I took a walk." She said scowling. She flipped a bit of her long black hair over her shoulder and sighed.

"Oh." Ray said. He hated it when Fraser was right.

"You understand we'll have to take you in for questioning?" Fraser asked her.

"Oh, sure." She said, shrugging. "I'm Ryan. Ryan DeRusso."

"Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of my fathers killers and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture I have stayed, attached as liaison to the Canadian Consulate. This is my partner, Ray Veccio of the Chicago police .If you'd come this way, please?" He indicated the car. 

"Is this going to take long?" She asked, stepping into the car.

"Nah." Ray said. A squad car had showed up, and Ray turned the cuffed man over to another officer.

"Good." She said, smoothing her skirt over her knees. Ray smiled at her. She was very attractive. She had long black hair, and bright blue eyes. Her top lip was a little on the thin side, but Ray wasn't complaining. _Wonder if she's single..._ He wondered. He felt a little ashamed for wondering, but he couldn't help it. He had been so lonely... 

"So, do you always leap to action like that?" Ryan asked.

"Huh, oh me?" Ray asked. "No, I uh, I don't know what happened." He chuckled nervously. 

"Uh-huh." Ryan said. She crossed her arms and had a rather smug look on her lovely face. Ray slumped down in the drivers seat a little. As always, he meets a beautiful woman and makes a fool of himself.

"I believe you." Ryan said after a pause.

"Huh?" Ray said.

"I said I believe you. That you aren't always like that." She said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, well, yeah." Ray said, feeling his cheeks burn. _Oh, aren't you a charmer. Come on, say something impressive. Something interesting. Something that'll get her talking._

"So, you lived in Chicago long?" _Oh, that's just great! Could you have said anything worse?_

"No, not really. A year or so. I'm fromEdmonton." She said.

"Where's that?" Ray asked.

"It's in Canada." Fraser said. _Oh great, she's Canadian. Just what I need. Like I have a chance next to Mr. Perfect Mountie. Yeah, right._

"I moved to Chicago when I got divorced. It seemed like a nice change of scenery. I didn't think I'd ever be held hostage though." She smiled. Ray glanced at her in the rear view mirror. She had a nice smile.

"You're divorced too?" Ray asked, glad they had found common ground to talk about. And glad it was a long way back to the precinct.

"Yup. We were young and in love, and we rushed into it. Then we held on for as long as we could, but we just couldn't take it any more." She sighed. 

"I know what you mean." Ray said, glancing back at her again.

"Same thing, eh?" She asked. Ray grinned nervously. Memories of Stella were always bittersweet.

"Sort of." He said. _Great common ground. Dredge up all sorts of bad memories. You're just wracking up the points tonight._

"So...what do you do?" Ray asked.

"I'm a waitress. I know, it's so glamorous. I work at this little blues bar on Pagoda Dr. Is this part of my questioning, or are you just curious?" She grinned at him. _You ain't doing to bad. She hasn't said a word to Fraser. Finally._

"Just curious. Am I bothering you?" He asked. he didn't want to scare her away.

"No." She said. 

"Good." Ray said, drumming his hands on the steering wheel.

"Um, what is this dog doing to me?" She said after she had been quiet for a while. Ray looked back. Dief had climbed onto her lap and was avidly licking her face.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry." Fraser said. "I'd tell him to stop, but he's deaf so that would do very little good."

"That's...great." Ryan said, trying to push Dief off of her.

"He like's you." Ray said.

"I could tell. He's a gorgeous animal." She said, patting his head. Dief whined and licked her some more. 

"He's part wolf." Fraser supplied.

"Ah." Ryan said, giving Dief another shove. He settled down with his head in her lap.

"Where are you from?" She asked, indicating Fraser. _Damn it. Now they're gonna start talking 'bout all sorts of Canadian crap and he's gonna blow any chance I had outta the water. Just great._

"I'm from the Territories." Fraser said.

"No wonder you stayed in Chicago." Ryan said. "The territories are so..." She waved her hand vaguely. "Lonely. I mean, there's nothing out there but snow and trees. How long did you live there?"

"Nearly all my life." 

"Wow." Ray couldn't tell if it was a good wow or a "wow, you must be really messed up" wow. He hoped it was the latter.

"Well, we're here." Ray said, pulling into the 27th's parking lot. "Sorry about doing this, it being so late an all, but..."

"No it's okay. I don't think I could get to sleep anyway." Ryan laughed. "I've had quite a shock."

"Yeah." Ray laughed along with her. _I think she likes me. I really think she likes me._

"If you'll come this way, ma'am?" Fraser asked, gesturing the door.

"Of course." She smiled warmly at Fraser. _Uh-oh._

"I'll take it from here, Fraze." Ray said, shoving the Mountie aside. "You can head on home."

"Well, Ray..." Fraser began to protest.

"I said go home Fraser." Ray said, wishing his partner would take the hint.

"Of course Ray." Fraser said. He had apparently gotten the hint. He called Diefenbaker and headed off. Ray caught up with Ryan who was already at the door.

"Where's your friend?" She asked.

"Oh, uh, he had to go home." Ray told her. _Shit. She's askin' for Fraser. Or maybe she's just being polite. She is Canadian._

"I see." She said. "So, are you going to question me, or will someone else?" 

"Uh, me." Ray said. He wasn't going to let anyone else near Ryan. It was bad enough she was showing an interest in Fraser. 

"So, what do you need to know?" She asked.

"Well, uh, just come on over to my desk and we'll get going." He said, showing her to his desk. He was suddenly embarrassed by the clutter.

"So, uh, did you see anything unusual when you went for your walk?" Ray asked.

"No. Besides of course the fire-fight I got caught up in." She smiled. She had good teeth.

"Vecchio!" Lieutenant Welsh called from his office.

"Coming!" Ray called back. "You stay right here." He told Ryan. She smiled again, and Ray went to see what Welsh wanted.

"You're kidding me?" Ray asked when the situation had been explained to him. "The guy that we got is Logan, and the guy that got away is the guy we thought we got?"

"Something like that." Welsh said, eyeing Ray. "The thing is, Logan isn't talking. Can your..." Welsh hesitated, glancing out at Ryan. "...witness identify the other guy?"

"I'll get right on it." Ray said, glad for any excuse to spend more time with the beautiful woman sitting at his desk.

"Good." Welsh said, and went back to some papers on his desk in a clear dismissal. 

"Okay, we're gonna have to keep you here for a little bit longer." Ray told Ryan when he got to his desk.

"Oh?" She arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Uh, did you see the other guy? The one that drove off?" 

"Sort of." Ryan shrugged. 

"Can you describe him?"

"Uh, tall. Dark hair. He was wearing a long coat. He had a gun." She shrugged again. "It was dark."

"I know, that's okay. If you saw a picture of him, would you be able to identify him?"

"Maybe." She didn't sound too sure. Ray smiled apologetically. 

"Well, I'm gonna show you some pictures, and if any of them look like the guy, tell me, okay?" Ray said, putting down a book of mug shots. Ryan flipped through it, studying the faces. Ray studied her.

__

Damn, she's hot. Kinda exotic looking, with that hair. It can't be natural. Not that I care. Shit. Whom I kidding. Like a hot babe like that's gonna want a guy like me? Besides, I don't think I'm ready for another relationship. She'd probably turn out to be just another Stella. I've got crappy luck when it comes to women. Besides, she's probably just being nice to me to get to Fraser. Ray shook his head. He had always been an insecure person. And after Stella, he had veered away from any sort of serious relationships. 

"None of them, sorry." Ryan said, looking up.

"Wha...? Oh, well, that's okay." Ray said, feeling awkward. 

"Is there anything else?" She asked.

"Not that I can think of. Do you want a ride back home?" 

"That would be nice. I don't relish the idea of walking home at three in the morning." She gave him a sarcastic grin, and Ray felt his cheeks burn. _Of course she need's a ride back home you idiot._ He yelled at himself. _You sure are fucking up tonight, aren't you Kowalski._

"Yeah, uh, come on." Ray said.

"Thanks." She said, walking with him to his car.

"For what?" Ray asked, puzzled.

"Driving me home." She looked at him like he was crazy.

"Oh, yeah. Well, hey it's no problem. Uh, where do you live? What street I mean." He hastily added, realizing she had to live near the lake.

"Church St." She said. "121."

"That's a pretty nice area." Ray said, opening her door for her.

"Thank you." She smiled, getting in. 

"You're welcome." Ray got in and started the car.

"So, how'd you and the Mountie end up being partners?" She asked him. 

"Oh, uh, I was supposed to investigate the guys that whacked his dad. He tracked them here, and we started working together and the rest is history." Ray grinned at her. _I hope she's asking just to ask, not cause she likes Fraser._

"He really lived in the Territories his whole life?" She asked.

"Yup, far as I know." 

"I can't understand how anyone would want to live in that wasteland. Nick, that's my ex-husband, and I spent some time out there.." She laughed, a little, forced laugh. "But that was a long time ago."

"Are you two on good terms?" ray asked.

"I haven't heard from him since our divorce.."

"I'm sorry." Ray said, not knowing what else to say.

"Don't be. I'm much happier now." Her tone was hard, and she didn't sound happy at all. Ray decided now would be a good time to change the subject.

"So, is that resteraunt where you work any good?"

"Oh, yeah, it's great. They have the best Buffalo wings anywhere." She tossed her head, and laughed a little. "But of course, they pay me, so I'm obviously going to speak highly of them." She smiled, and Ray smiled with her. He liked a girl who smiled a lot.

"Well, me, I'm partial to pizza. Nothing beats a good pizza." He ran a hand through his hair. "Pizza and beer. The food of America."

"I'm forced to agree with you on that." She said, nodding.

"That beer and pizza is the food of America?" Ray asked, confused.

"No, that beer and pizza is the best food nature didn't create." She said, chuckling.

"Oh." Ray said. _Wow. A chick who likes beer and pizza. She's great._ But his insecurity wouldn't leave him alone. _Hold on there Kowalski. You just met her. You don't anything about her. Besides, a girl like that's probably seeing somebody. Did you ever think of that? No, you didn't, did you._

"I really appreciate the ride home." She said. "You could've just called me a cab."

"No, it's okay. I wanted to." Ray said, going out on a limb. 

"Well, thank you again." She said, and Ray saw that she was smiling a shy smile now. 

"You're welcome again." Ray said, grinning broadly. _To hell with it._ He thought. _I'm gonna ask her out. What's the worst that could happen? Besides, this is her street. In a few minutes, my chance is gonna be gone. If I don't do anything, I could miss out on something good._

"Is this one yours?" Ray asked, slowing down in front of a house. It was a medium two family house. Blue with black shutters and a garage.

"Yup." She said, unbuckling her seat belt.

"Uh, hey..." Ray started as she opened her door.,

"Yes?" She said, turning to him.

"Since we both like beer and pizza, I was just wondering if you might like to go get some sometime, or something." Ray mentally smacked himself. He sounded like an idiot.

"Okay." She said. "I'll give you a call sometime."

"Okay, great." Ray said, grinning. Ryan smiled, and walked up the path to her house.

 

 

A week went by, and the phone didn't ring. Ray started to get worried. He knew Ryan hadn't said when she'd call, but still.

__

Aw, who're you kidding? She was just being polite. What would a classy girl want with a guy like you, huh? Ray, you're deluding yourself. Wake up, and come back to reality. You don't get lucky when it comes to women. They just don't like you. You've blown it with every girl you've ever gotten close too. What made you think this time would be any different?

But he wasn't satisfied. 

"Is everything alright Ray?" Fraser asked. They were eating lunch in a little deli near Ray's apartment.

"Yeah, I guess." Ray said, picking at his sandwich.

"You know Ray, most people find it beneficial to talk about their problems." Fraser said.

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Ray said. "It's that girl we met, Ryan. She said she'd call and she didn't."

"Ah. Woman problems. Well, Ray, I may not be an expert on the subject, but perhaps you should attempt contacting her." Fraser suggested.

"You think?" Ray asked. "'kay. I can do that. Hey, thanks."

"Not a problem. She's a lovely woman." 

"Yeah, she is isn't she." Ray said, remembering her beautiful smile.

"I hope everything works out for you." Fraser said.

"Me too." Ray said, staring down at his half-eaten sandwich. "Me too." 

When Ray got home, he dragged out his phone book and flipped to the Ds. There were ten or so DeRussos. And two R. DeRussos. _Oh great._ Ray thought. _But you know where she lives! What are you worrying about?_ There it was. R. DeRusso, 121 Church St. 555-8481.

__

Well, here goes nothing. Ray thought, dialing the number. The phone rang five times before it was picked up. By an answering machine.

"Hi! This is Ryan. Sorry, I can't come to the phone right now. If you want, leave your name and a message and I'll call you back as soon as I possibly can. I promise! Thanks!" And then the beep. _Ah, what the heck._

"Uh, hi. It's me Ray. Um, give me a call, okay? Or not." Ray kicked himself again, and hung up. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Ray told himself. He couldn't believe he had done that. He couldn't believe he was getting so hung up over this one girl. But he could still see her eyes, and the way she had smiled at him. He had a feeling she was something special.

Ray looked at the clock. It was seven thirty. Ryan was probably at work. Where had she said she worked? A little blues bar on Pagoda. Suddenly ray had a craving for some Buffalo Wings.

__

I can't believe I'm doing this. Ray thought as he pulled into the parking lot of Andy's Bar and Resteraunt. It boasted good food and good blues. It had to be the place. Ray shut down the GTO and got out. It was about 8:30. He had changed clothes before coming over. 

Andy's was a nice little resteraunt, or so Ray observed when he entered. It was small and smoky, with a bar, about ten or so table, and a stage that was currently occupied by a band. The band was tuning up, obviously taking a break. Ray looked around and saw three waitresses, none of them Ryan. He sat down at the bar.

"What can I get you?" The man behind the bar asked.

"Actually, I'm looking for someone. One of your waitresses." Ray said.

"Oh? Who?" The friendly man suddenly turned not so friendly.

"Uh, Ryan." Ray said, feeling uncomfortable.

"Why?" He persisted.

"I...uh...need to ask her a few questions." Ray said. It was true. 

"You a cop?" The man still sounded angry. 

"Actually, I am. Detective Ray Veccio, Chicago PD. You got a problem with that?" Ray was getting a little upset. Being cautious was one thing, but this guy was taking it to the extreme. 

"Oh." The man said, relaxing visibly. "Ryan went home. her shift ends at eight. Sorry." 

"Oh. That's okay." Ray said, getting up. "Thanks anyway."

"No problem." The man waved, and turned to attend another customer. _That was weird. Why'd he calm down when he found out I was a cop? Ryan probably told him about the shoot out. That must be it._ Ray got back into the GTO and decided to just cruise around a bit. Not surprisingly, he found himself cruising over to Church St.

__

You're turning into a stalker. Ray told himself as he parked in front of Ryan's house. _A friggin stalker._ He ran a hand through his hair, shut off the engine and walked up the steps. 121 was the one on the left. The lights were on in the downstairs windows, and Ray thought he could hear music from inside. He took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell. A few minutes passed. He rang it again. And again. Finally, he started to knock. A few seconds later, the door opened.

"Hello?" Ryan opened the door, wearing black sweat pants and a black sports bra. Her black hair was pulled back in a pony-tail, and she looked out of breath.

"Uh, hi." Ray said, feeling like a first class idiot.

"Ray!" Ryan exclaimed, smiling. "Hi."

"Um, I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop by." Ray mumbled.

"Sure. Come on in." Ryan said, opening the door all the way. Ray walked in, and he could hear music coming from the other room. He was standing in the kitchen, which was incredibly clean. The black countertop was spotless, and the wooden table looked like it had just been waxed. The oven and cabinets were the same. 

"Come on into the living room." Ryan said. She opened a sliding door, and ray's ears were assaulted by the blaring music. The living room was as spotless as the kitchen. There was a black couch that looked like it was made out of velvet, a red and incredibly high-backed chair, two bean-bag chairs, one red one black, a coffee table and a television. A large bookshelf made of mismatched wood stood against the back wall. It was full of tapes and books and little knick-knacks. There were stairs leading up, and against another wall was the stereo. Ray paused and listened to what was coming out of it.

"Uh, Ryan?" He asked.

"What?" She said, turning the stereo down.

"What are you listening too?" He asked.

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show." She said.

"The what?" Ray asked.

"You haven't seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show?" Ryan seemed astonished.

"No. I heard of it though." He shrugged. Ryan didn't look satisfied.

"You're going to watch it." She said.

"Okay." Ray agreed, not knowing what else to do.

"I mean now." Ryan said. "Sit down."

"Uh, I..." Ray started, but decided against arguing. He was inside her house, and she seemed pleased to have him.

"It'll be fun. We'll order a pizza." She said, flashing him that smile he loved so much.

"As long as it's a Hawaiian." Ray said, flopping down on the couch, which was made out of some sort of velvety material.

"Good. Want a beer?" She asked.

"A beer'd be good." Ray said. 

"Okay. I'll grab the beer and order the pizza. Make yourself at home." She said, going back into the kitchen. Ray smiled to himself. This night was turning out better than he had ever hoped. And Ryan obviously didn't mind him just showing up on her door step at nine or so at night with no warning. 

"Reow?" Ray heard, and looked down. Two small fluffy cats had entered the room. One was orange and one was brown and black striped.

"Uh, hey kitties." Ray said. He hadn't anticipated pets. The orange one sniffed at his feet, and the brown one jumped up onto the couch. "Whoa! Nice kitty." Ray said as it jumped into his lap.

"Well, I see you made a couple of friends." Ryan said, coming back into the room. She was still in sweats and a sports bra.

"I guess I did." Ray said, laughing a little.

"Good. ' Cause if they didn't like you, I'd have to throw you out and never see you again." She said, and Ray couldn't tell whether she was joking or not.

"They're...cute." Ray said, not sure what word to use to describe the tow cats.

"Thanks. I got them when I moved here. Move over." She said, sitting down. Ray obliged, scooting down a bit. "Here's your beer."

"Thanks." Ray said, opening the bottle and taking a sip. Sam Adams. Good stuff. 

"That one's Louis, and the one on the floor is Lestat." Ryan said.

"Huh?" 

"The cats!" She explained, laughing.

"Oh." Ray said, blushing a little. They sat in silence for a little while, and Ray decided to take a risk. "Uh, Ryan, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Ryan said, looking at him calmly.

"Uh, I don't want to sound stupid, but uh, why didn't you call?" Ray asked.

"Let's see." Ryan said, semi-sarcastically. "You ask me to call you when you drop me off. I go inside, and realize you didn't give me a number. I couldn't remember your last name very well, but I thought it started with a V. I started going through the names, but that was taking way too long. Then, you leave a message. Still no number! So it's your fault, not mine." 

"Oh." Was all ray could manage. He felt like the twit of the year. He couldn't believe he had forgotten to give her his number.

"Don't worry about it." Ryan said. "I mean, that's the sort of thing I would do. And you found me."

"Yeah." Ray said. It really seemed like she liked him. "You know something?"

"What?" She asked.

"You're something I thought I'd never meet." He said.

"Oh?" Ryan raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

"A normal Canadian." Ray told her with a smile.

"Ha! Considering your friend is from the Territories, I'll forgive you that remark. We Canadians aren't all nuts. Most of us are quite normal." She said, smiling back.

"Well, are you all this clean? I know Fraser's a neat freak."

"Clean? Me? You must be joking!" She laughed. "Actually, that's what I was in the middle of doing when you showed up. You should see the rest of the house. It's a mess."

"Oh. Sorry." Ray apologized.

"For my house being a mess?" Ryan was confused.

"No, for interrupting you." Ray explained.

"Oh, don't worry about it." Ryan said. "I was looking for an excuse to stop anyway." Just then, the door bell rang. "That must be the pizza. Ray, could you get it? I'm not exactly dressed to be meeting the delivery boy." She handed Ray some money.

"You won't answer the pizza boy dressed like that, but you'll open the door for God-knows-who?" Ray asked, confused.

"I knew it was you!" Ryan called after him. Ray paid the delivery boy, and brought the pizza back to the living room.

"What'dya mean you knew it was me?" Ray asked.

"Jake called me." She said, as though that explained everything. "Mmm. Pizza."

"Well, who's Jake?" Ray asked, trying to sort this out.

"My boss. He called and said you were looking for me at work. It was too hard to figure out it was you knocking." Ryan explained.

"Oh." Ray said, feeling embarrassed. Ryan just smiled. _Wow. She doesn't mind me seeing her in sweats and a bra. Does she like me, or is she just weird? Well, maybe it's just 'cause she knows me, and we're like friends or something. She's so different tonight then last time. Relaxed. And of course, we're on her turf now. She's in charge. Oh, god Ray do not fuck this up!_

"Do you want to put the movie in now?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Sure. But, uh, what's it about?" Ray asked.

"Musical transvestites from outer space." Ryan said, popping a cassette in the VCR.

"What?" Ray asked.

"Just watch." Ryan said, settling back on the couch.

Two hours later, Ray was completely and absolutely speechless.

"Well?" Ryan asked. "What did you think?"

"It was..." Ray trailed off, trying to think of the right words to describe the cinematic event he had just experienced. And the fact that he had also had a few beers didn't really help his thinking process.

"Yes?" Ryan urged.

"I don't know what to say. Except I have never seen Susan Sarandon looking like that before. Or Tim Curry for that matter." Ray said.

"I know. I love the costuming. I actually played Janet in the audience participation version." 

"The what?" Ray asked.

"The movie's shown on a screen on a stage and actors act it out. The audience throws stuff and yells out stuff. It's really fun." Ryan explained. "It's done at midnight, and people get all dressed up for it."

"Uh-huh. It's one of them cult films, isn't it?" Ray asked.

"Mm-hmm. I remember watching it for the first time when I was fifteen. I fell in love with it. So what's you're favorite movie?"

"Uh...I have no clue." Ray said. "I never thought about it before. But I've seen Rocky over ten times."

"I saw it once. It was pretty good. I heard Rocky II sucked."

"Oh, God do not get me started." Ray said. He had a very strong opinion on just how much Rocky II had sucked.

"Well, it's eleven o'clock. I should probably get going." Ray said, somewhat reluctantly.

"Are you sure you should drive?" Ryan asked. "You did have three or four beers."

"Oh, uh, yeah." Ray looked at the coffee table. There were a good number of empty beer bottles on it.

"I do have a guest room, if you want to use it." Ryan suggested. "Instead of going and crashing or something."

"That's a very good idea." Ray said.

"'kay. And we can stay up and talk more. I never go to bed until after midnight." Ryan said.

"Okay. I can stay up for another hour or two." Ray decided. "So what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. What do you want to talk about?"

"Oh, great." Ray said. "Make me think."

"Okay, okay." Ryan said. "Um...what's your favorite color?"

"Blue." Ray said. "What's yours?"

"Purple. But not light purple. Dark purple." She specified. "What's your favorite group?"

"Um, don't have one. But I like classic rock. Springstein, Melencamp, those types,. Oh, and anything you can dance too." Ray said.

"Cool. I love to dance. What's your favorite book?"

"Book? I don't read much, but I did read the Body, by Stephen King. A friend of mine told me I should, and it was pretty short. I liked that." Ray told her.

"Mmm. I read that one. I thought it was absolutely beautiful. 'Words destroy the functions of love'. That is so true, don't you think?" Ryan asked.

"What'dya mean?" Ray didn't quite understand the question.

"About words. I mean, some stuff just can't be put into words, you know? Or when it is, it doesn't mean as much. We just sort of take words for granted. I love you. I hate you. I wish you were dead. I'd do anything for you. I mean, when someone says stuff like that, how often do they mean it? Hardly ever. But actually _doing_ stuff! That's what...what..." Ryan trailed off. "I lost my train of thought." She said, sadly. "But you see what I'm getting at?"

"Yeah." Ray said, pretty sure he did. "I think I see."

"I remember!" Ryan said. _Well I hope she remembers she had way more beers than me, cause she did. But she's making sense. And she's letting me stay here, even though it's probably safe for me to drive._

"Remember what?" Ray asked.

"What I was saying. Words mean nothing. It's actions that prove emotions. And we're a perfect example!" She was getting exited now.

"How so?" Ray asked, interested in seeing where she was going.

"Well, we like each other, obviously. But we never _said_ anything. You showed me by tracking me down to my house when I didn't call, and I showed you by answering the door dressed like this and letting you in. If you didn't like me, you wouldn't have bothered. If I didn't like you, I would've put a shirt on and told you to go away. Actions. Not words."

"You're right." Ray said. _She likes me!_ Ray thought.

"Oh, God, I'm babbling aren't I? I do that when I drink too much. I'm sorry." Ryan apologized.

"Hey, it's no problem. You're making sense." Ray assured her.

"I just...I haven't been alone with a guy since Nick and I split up." She explained.

"Hey, I know what you mean." Ray said. "When Stella and I broke up, I got all different around women. I didn't avoid 'em though. No, I went after as many as I could." He laughed a little, remembering. "I guess I was trying to make her jealous or something. Like, if she saw me with someone else, she'd realize how much she loved me and she'd want me back. It didn't work though."

"I'm sorry." Ryan said.

"Don't worry about it. I'm, well, I dealt with it." Ray told her.

"I'm still dealing. I just can't believe the bastard actually left me." Ryan said, her turning voice turning bitter. "He always threatened, but I never thought he'd actually do it. But I told him he had to choose. The wilderness, or me. He chose the wilderness."

"No offense, but he's a very stupid man." Ray said.

"You think?" Ryan asked, tilting her head up to look at Ray.

"I know." Ray said, smiling and leaning his face close to hers, ready to kiss her, to put his lips on hers. But she pulled away, gently, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"No, Ray." She said. "I'm sorry, but..."

"Hey, it's okay. My bad." Ray said. "I just got a little carried away."

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea." Ryan said. "I like you. But, I just need to...oh, I don't know!" She threw up her hands, clearly exasperated. Ray put his arms around her, laughing slightly.

"It's okay. I know. Why don't we get to bed, huh? Before we do any more damage?" He suggested gently.

"Good idea." Ryan agreed. "Come on. I'll show you the guest room. And I have some of Nick's old clothes that should fit you." She had gotten up and was heading up the staircase Ray had noticed earlier, talking all the way. 

"The upstairs is kind of messy. I haven't cleaned up here yet. The guest room hasn't been used in a year or so. Nick and I got divorced four years ago, and I came here. This used to be my aunt and uncles house, but they passed away about a year ago. Um, here are some clothes." Ryan grabbed some clothes from a pile on the stairs. "Here's the guest room." She opened the door directly on the right at the top of the stairs.

"Nice." Ray said. There was a large bed with a dark green comforter, a bureau, a bedside table and a large green chair. Long green curtains hung on the window, and the walls had been painted to look like a forest-scape.

"Thanks. I decorated it myself. I did the whole house." She explained. "There's an alarm clock on the nightstand. What time do you have to be up at?"

"My shift starts at nine. I'll get up at eight." Ray said.

"I'll probably be asleep. My shift at the bar is two to eight. I usually sleep till nine or ten. You can find your way around, can't you? The bathroom's the door next to you. It's got a bath and shower. The one downstairs just has a toilet and a sink. You can shower if you want to. I've got all sorts of shampoo and stuff."

"Okay. Thanks." Ray said. "This is really nice of you."

"It's not a problem. Really." Ryan assured him. "I'm happy to have you. Of course, you'll be expected to return the favor."

"Anytime." Ray said, grinning.

"Okay. Well, good night." She said.

"Goodnight." Ray replied. She nodded her head, and went down the hall to her room. Ray shut the door, and sat down on the bed.

__

Wow. This is incredible. I'm sleeping over her house. I'm not sleeping with _her, but so what? She likes me. She's just still a little fucked up from her divorce. Four years ago. She must have really loved the guy. At least he's out of her life, off in the frozen north. If he were still around, I'd have no chance. I wonder what he was like?_ Ray pulled off his clothes, not bothering with ones Ryan had supplied. He didn't feel comfortable wearing her ex-husbands stuff.

__

That'd be to weird. They probably wouldn't fit me anyway. Ray told himself, slipping into bed wearing nothing but his boxers. _Satin sheets? Nice. It fits too. This whole place does. Everything's sort of mismatched, but it works. The velvet couch, the bean bag chair, and something that Edgar Allen Poe should be sitting in in the living room. And the guest room all woodsy with satin sheets. I wonder what her rooms like? Maybe someday I'll get to find out._

 

When ray woke up, he was a bit disoriented and had a slight headache. Then he remembered what had happened the night before. _I'm at Ryan's. The bathroom's next door._ He climbed out of bed, pulled on his pants, and ambled next door.

__

Neat bathroom. He thought, looming around. The floor was covered in astro-turf, and the sink and bathtub looked like they were made out of rocks. The sink didn't even look like a sink. It looked like a fountain. There were some potted plants to complete the effect. 

__

Well, maybe she's not as normal as I thought. Ray decided. He relived himself, and took a shower in the rock-bathtub. Unfortunately, the only shampoo's Ryan had were women's shampoos. Ray decided he could go without washing his hair until he got home.

He got out of the shower, got dressed, and padded quietly downstairs. It felt odd to be in someone else's house when they were asleep. He went into the kitchen and fixed himself some coffee. He drank it, and, regretfully, left for work. But before doing so, he left Ryan a note.

I went to work. My shift's over at three.

I had a lot of fun last night. Do you want 

to do something tonight? Call me at: 

    1. I get home at around 3:15.



Yours truly, 

Ray.

Ray drove to work feeling batter than he had in days. He whistled as he walked to his desk, and greeted everyone.

"Well, you're certainly in a good mood today." Frannie said. "Why? 

"None of your business Frannie." Ray said, sitting down. "What's the word on the Logan case?"

"Nothing." Frannie told him.

"Damn." Ray muttered. "Okay, uh, keep me posted."

"Sure." Frannie said, shaking her head and walking off.

"Ah, good morning Ray." Fraser said, coming over to Ray's desk.

"Hey, Fraze." Ray said.

"You seem unusually cheerful this morning. May I assume you got in touch with your lady friend?"

"Yup." Ray said, his face splitting into a wide grin. "I spent the night at her place."

"Ah." Fraser said, nodding. It was obvious he didn't approve.

"Naw, it was nothing like that. We stayed up talking, and I had a couple'a beers. She didn't want me driving home so she let me use her guest room."

"Ah." Fraser said again, this time pleased. "I'm glad things are working out."

"Yeah. She's something special." Ray said.

"Vecchio! Get in here!" Welsh called from his office. Ray and Fraser headed on in to see what was up.

"Dario Ferlinghetti was gunned down outside of his house yesterday. No leads." Welsh said, slapping down some photo's of a crime scene in front of Ray and Fraser. Dario Ferlinghetti had taken a bullet right through the forehead. 

"Do you think it's related to the hit-man murders?" Ray suggested. In the past two weeks, three notorious hit-men had been killed/ 

"Exactly." 

"Hmm." Fraser said.

"What?" Ray asked.

"Oh, nothing." Fraser said. Ray shook his head, knowing he wasn't going to get anymore out of his partner at the moment.

"What about Logan?" Ray asked.

"He's out of our hands." Welsh informed Ray. "We offered him a deal, but he wouldn't take it. He's being tried for murder."

"So, what do you want me to do about it?" Ray asked.

"I want you to find a lead. A suspect. Anything. Take the Mountie and get some information. Now!" Welsh snapped.

"Uh, yes sir." Ray said, turning and walking quickly out of the office.

"I believe Logan may have been wise in his decision to refuse a deal." Fraser commented as they headed to the car.

"How so?" ray asked.

"Well, if someone is indeed killing hit-men, wouldn't it stand to reason he was on the list?" Fraser pointed out.

"Hey, you're right. So, that guy was probably gonna shoot Logan and dump him in the lake." Ray said.

"Exactly." 

"But who'd kill hit-men?' Ray asked.

"Who knows?" Fraser answered. "Perhaps there's some psychological reason for it. I suggest we investigate the scene of the most recent murder."

"Okay." Ray said, heading for Dario Ferlinghetti's apartment building.

"You find anything?" Ray asked as Fraser inspected every inch of the building and the surrounding sidewalk.

"Perhaps." Fraser said.

"Perhaps? You mean you don't' know?" Ray was astonished.

"No, that's not it. I found something, but I'm not sure what to make of it." Fraser told him.

"Well, what did you find?" 

"That the shooter was standing behind this corner. There are traces of shot on the corner here." Fraser said, pointing. 

"Uh-huh." Ray said. He really didn't see what the position of the shooter had to do with anything.

"Well, do you remember the photo's of the crime scene? Mr. Ferlinghetti was lying on his back with a bullet wound through his forehead. There is no possible way the shooter could have managed that."

"Why not?" Ray asked.

"Because Mr. Ferlinghetti had his back to the shooter." 

"This case is severely fucked." Ray said as they drove back to the precinct.

"Language, Ray." Fraser said. "But I do agree that there is something wrong here. Now, it is my guess that Mr. Ferlinghetti was not the target of our shooter. Mr. Ferlinghetti's shooter was."

"Alright Frase, you've lost me." Ray said.

"Well, it's really quite simple. We have two shooters. One, shooter A was sent to kill Mr. Ferlinghtti. The other, shooter B, was sent to shoot shooter A. Only shooter A is obviously a better shot than shooter B." Fraser explained.

"Okay, I get it now." Ray said. It was still a little confusing. They pulled into the precinct parking lot and headed in to give Welsh their findings. But Ray only got half-way through the squad room before the sight of a familiar woman talking to Frannie made him stop dead in his tracks.

"Ryan?" He asked, tapping her on the shoulder. She was wearing black leather pants and a dark maroon tank-top.

"Hi Ray." She said, she looked upset about something. Ray noticed that most of the men in the station were not-so-subtly staring at Ryan. 

"Uh, what's wrong?" Ray asked.

" _Miss_ _DeRusso_ is reporting a crime, if you don't mind?" Frannie said.

"A crime?" Ray asked, puzzled. "When? Everything was fine this morning." Ray noticed that what minimal conversations had been going on stopped at that particular statement.

"Someone broke into my house today. I went out for my morning walk, around nine, nine thirty, and I got back around ten thirty. The place was a mess." Ryan told him.

"Shit." Ray muttered. "What was taken?" 

"I don't know." Ryan admitted. "I just sort of panicked. I came right here."

"Okay, uh, we'll send somebody over and they'll do a check, see what's missing and get prints and stuff like that." Ray told her. "It'll be okay."

"See, I was just about to tell her that." Frannie snapped. Sometimes she took her job a little too seriously.

"Ah, Ms. DeRusso, how are you?" Fraser asked, coming up behind Ray. "I spoke to Lieutenant Welsh. He agrees with my hypothesis."

"Hello, uh..." Ryan said. 

"May I ask what the problem is?" Fraser said, politely ignoring the fact that Ryan didn't recall his name. _Damn it, Fraze, leave her alone._ Ray thought. _She likes me. Hell, she doesn't even remember your name._

"Oh, a break in. No big deal." Ryan said, waving her hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Hmm." Fraser said. 

"What?" Ryan asked.

"It just seems odd that the day after a botched killing, there's a break in at the home of the only person who can identify the supposed shooter." Fraser said.

"Whoa, whoa whoa!" Ray said. "You think this has to do with the hit-man murders?"

"I'm saying it's a possibility we shouldn't' discredit. Miss DeRusso was on the lake that night, and very well could be able to identify the shooter." Fraser said seriously.

"But why'd he wait till now?" Frannie asked. "Didn't this happen, like, last week?"

"True. But a second botched killing occurred last night. And perhaps he had no way of reaching Miss DeRusso." Fraser suggested. "He couldn't have followed her the night of the shoot-out. He was too busy fleeing." Fraser paused.

"What?" Ray asked.

"Well, he could, possibly, mind you, have followed you to Miss DeRusso's last night." 

"Oh shit." Ray said, slumping down. For once Fraser didn't reprimand his about language.

"So what? I've got hit-men after me?" Ryan asked. "I guess it's a good thing I wasn't home."

"Uh...yeah." Ray muttered. _Oh shit._ It was all Ray could think. This was all his fault.

"So now what do I do?" Ryan asked.

"You're not going home." Ray told her.

"Well, I kinda figured that one out on my own." She said. "But where'm I gonna go?"

"You can stay with me." Ray said before anyone else said anything. 

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked. "I mean, if they followed _you_ to my place, will I be safe? I mean, you can protect me, right?"

"Diefenbaker and I will stay as well." Fraser offered. 

"Gee...thanks." Ryan said, not sounding too thrilled.

"Oh, Fraser's great at the whole protecting thing." Frannie assured Ryan.

"I'm sure he is." Ryan agreed. "Oh, god."

"Everything will be okay." Ray told her. "Don't worry." 

"Okay." Ryan said. "Um, Louis and Lestat are in the car. I didn't want to leave them at home."

"Okay. Um, let's get you home, huh?" Ray said, helping Ryan up out of her chair. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. And he knew that everything _was_ going to be okay.

 

/it seems I'm not alone/

/in being alone/

 

"Uh, the place is sort of a mess." Ray said, opening his door. "I don't clean much."

"It's okay." Ryan said, hauling in her two cat carriers. "I'm really sorry you can't stay, Fraser. It's too bad the cat's and Diefenbaker don't like each other so much.

"Well, it's quite alright." Fraser said. "I'm sure Ray will be sufficient protection."

"So am I." Ryan said. "It was nice seeing you again."

"And you." Fraser said. "Goodbye Ray."

"Bye Fraze." Ray called. It had been obvious once Ryan had pulled out the two cat carriers that Diefenbaker would not accept the presence of the cats, and vice versa. It had been decided that Fraser's presence wouldn't be needed.

"Uh, there's only one bedroom, so I'll take the couch." Ray said.

"'kay. I'm just gonna call in sick. I really don't feel like going to work." Ryan said, sitting down on the couch.

"Okay. Hungry?" Ray asked, it was about noon.

"Mm. Yeah." Ryan mumbled. "Food sounds good."

"Okay. I've got...chips...dip...salami...soda." Ray ticked off the contents of his refrigerator.

"Chips and dip sounds good. Louis and Lestat'll have salami." Ryan said, letting the cats out of their carriers.

"Okay." Ray said. _I better pick up some cat food._

"You didn't tell me you had a turtle!" Ryan said accusingly.

"I have a turtle." Ray said, spooning some dip into a small bowl he had found.

"What's his name?" She asked, she was standing over the turtle's tank.

"Um...Turtle?" Ray suggested. The truth was, it didn't have a name. He was going to name it, but he never got around to it.

"You didn't name your turtle?" She asked.

"Nope." Ray said, bringing in the chips and dip. "Here."

"Thanks." She said, sitting on the couch. Ray dropped some salami for the cats. "Well, we'll certainly have time to get to know each other better."

"I'm so sorry." Ray said. "I..."

"Oh, shove it!" Ryan said. "It wasn't your fault, okay? You didn't call the bad guys and tell them where I lived, so you are not to blame, capice?" 

"Okay." Ray said, only because he didn't want to argue.

"Besides, I'm fine. And this is just another adventure." Ryan continued.

"Okay." Ray repeated.

"Ray?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah?" 

"Never mind." Ryan said. "Thanks."

"This is the least I could do. I mean, I did say you could stay here whenever you needed." Ray said.

"Yeah." Their eyes met, and Ray could feel the sparks. The attraction between them was nearly palpable. Ray reached out, not being able to help himself, and stroked her cheek.

"Ray..." Ryan said, and Ray couldn't tell what emotion backed it. She put her hand over his, and drew it off of her cheek, and simply held it.

"Maybe this was a mistake..." She started.

"No!" Ray said quickly, cutting her off. "This is not a mistake. I'll protect you."

"I know you will. I'm just worried..."

"About what?" Ray pressured.

"Us." She said.

"What about us?" Ray asked.

"I don't know." She said. "God, that seems to be my answer to everything lately."

"It's a good answer." Ray said. "Really."

"Hmm." She said.

"Oh god!" Ray said.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"The famous Canadian 'hmm'." Ray said.

"Oh." She said. "Let's do something."

"Huh?" Ray asked.

"Let's do something. Instead of just sitting here." She urged. 

"What do you want to do?" ray asked.

"I don't know. I should probably stay inside, huh?"

"Yeah." Ray said.

"Do you have any board games?" She asked.

"Yes I do." Ray said. "Yes I do."

 

Five board games and a six pack later, Ray and Ryan had had enough. 

"No more!" Ryan said, falling backwards. "I can't take it!"

"Neither can I." Ray agreed.

"Now what? It's only four ." Ryan asked.

"Don't know." Ray said. "Food might be good."

"'Kay. Let's order out." Ryan suggested.

"Good idea. Pizza?" 

"Mmm. And mozzarella sticks."

"Yes." Ray agreed. "Mozzarella sticks." He picked up the phone and ordered. _She thinks of us as an us. That's gotta count for something. I wish I could figure out what was going on inside her head. She starts to open up, but then she shuts up again. I don't get it. I know how I think I feel about her though._

"So, how long have you been a cop?" Ryan asked when Ray hung up.

"Huh?" The question caught him a little off guard. "Oh, a long time now." Ray said. 

"Was it like a childhood dream?" She asked.

"Hell know." Ray said. "I wanted to be an actor. But, I became a cop instead."

"That's weird." Ryan said. "I was gonna be an actress."

"What happened?" Ray asked.

"I got married. And Nick didn't think it would be a good idea. And I always listened to Nick. By the time we got divorced, it was too late." 

"What'dya mean?"

"Oh, god. I'm thirty years old. I can't exactly break onto the Hollywood scene now. No, I do some theatre work every so often though." She said.

"Really?" ray asked, intrigued.

"Uh-huh. I've done some dinner theatre over at Lords, you know that dinner and theatre place down on Park? Shakespeare, and stuff like that." She told him.

"Shakespeare's dinner theatre?" Ray asked.

"Not normally." Ryan said. "But Lords isn't exactly conventional."

"I wouldn't know." Ray admitted.

"You're kidding! We'll have to go sometime." She said. Ray decided to take another chance.

"So...are we an us?" Ray asked.

"Huh?" Ryan was obviously not expecting that. "I...I think so." She said slowly. "If you want to be?"

"I do." Ray said seriously. "But you seem sort of...jiggy about relationships."

"I know. It's just been a long time. But, I was just so worried about ending up with the wrong person. I was so sure Nick was the right one, you know? And when I realized he wasn't...I don't want to go through that again." Ryan told him.

"I understand." Ray said, taking her hands. "I..." Unfortunately, the pizza delivery boy decided to take that exact moment and knock. "I will get the pizza." Ray said, letting go of her hands.

"Here we go." Ray said, putting the pizza down on his coffee table.

"You were saying?" Ryan prompted, biting into a slice of pizza.

"Oh, uh yeah. See, my wife, uh, ex-wife, Stella, it was love at first sight. On my part anyway. I was twelve, and uh, it took a lot of convincing, but I finally got her to out with me. We got married, but it was a career thing. We both had'em. But, uh, we're okay now. I guess." Ray shrugged.

"I'm sorry." Ryan said.

"Hey, s'okay." Ray smiled at her, trying to let her know that Stella was nothing she had to worry about.

"This is nice." Ryan said.

"What'dya mean?" Ray asked, reaching for a slice of pizza.

"This." Ryan said. "You. Me. The pizza. It's nice."

"Yeah, it is." Ray agreed. _This is it._ Ray thought. _She is definetley coming on to me. But we don't want to get ahead of ourselves. Just take it slow and steady._

"This is really sweet of you." Ryan said. "You didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to." Ray assured her.

"I'm glad." She said, leaning back.

"So'm I." Ray said, leaning back as well and grinning at her, turning on the Kowalski Charm.

"Hmm." She said, smiling back.

"What 'hmm'?" Ray asked.

"I'm just thinking." Ryan said, her tone serious and flirty all at once. Ray felt his breath quicken, and his heart speed up.

"About what?" He leaned a little closer, and noticed she was doing the same. Her eyes were bright, cautious, serious. Her breath was a mix of mint and pizza. 

"About this." She said, and closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together gently. Ray's pulse was leaping out of control, and he put his armgently-around Ryan. Her kiss was hesitant, and gentle, but it spoke volumes.

"That was pretty corny." She said, pulling away.

"That's okay." Ray told her.

"Hmm." She said, kissing him again, harder this time. Ray took a risk, and parted his lips slightly, to deepen the kiss. Ryan responded, and he felt the flutter of her tongue against his lips, soft and light as a butterfly. Her hands were on his shoulders, and Ray was sure if they didn't stop soon, he wouldn't be able to.

"Ryan..." He mumbled, not wanting to pull away.

"Hmm?" She drew back, and fixed her eyes on him. They were no longer cautious.

"I don't want to, I mean, I..." Ray wasn't sure how to put his thoughts into word. _We just met, but I think I could love you, if you let me. I don't want to ruin this. I want you, but I want it to be special. I want it to be slow, and sweet, and everything it could possibly be. And I want to make sure it's what you want._

"I know Ray. I want this." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I want you."

"I don't want to ruin this." Ray said, but he knew his argument wouldn't stand in any court where Ryan presided. 

"Neither do I. But this is _right_." She kissed him again, warm, insistent. Her tongue slid into his mouth, and all of Ray's resolve melted. They sat there for who-knows- how-long, just exploring one another's mouth. Ray couldn't remember the last time he had been kissed like that. _Yes you can._ He told himself. _You just don't want to. It was Stella, a long time ago, when we were practically kids. But this is Ryan. Not Stella, so just let it go._ And he did. As Ryan's tongue moved from his mouth to his cheek, he forgot about his ex-wife.

"Mmm." Ryan mumbled, brushing her lips against Ray's cheek, down his jaw-line, and to his neck. Ray sighed, and reached for her, his hand encountering the warmth of her breast. Her hands were moving across his back in small circles, and she pressed herself into him. Her hands were tugging at the bottom of Ray's T-shirt, and he pulled his hands away from her to help. Together, they pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor.

Ryan kissed his shoulder, her tongue swirling on his bare skin in little patterns. Ray closed his eyes and her hands moved across his bare back, tracing across his shoulder-blades and down his spine. She moved her lips back up his neck, and kissed him again, deeply and forcefully. Ray slipped on hand under the strap of her tank top, and slid it down her shoulder, amazed at the silkiness of her skin. She pulled away, and slipped out of her top in one fluid motion.

"You're beautiful." Ray said, taking her in his arms and leaning her down. He kissed down her neck, to the clasp of he bra. He could feel her tense beneath him, and he wasn't sure if it was from pleasure or fear.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Uh-huh." She said, somewhat out of breath. "Don't stop." Ray smiled. It had obviously been a long time since she had been with anyone. Four years, if he remembered correctly. He wanted this to be special.

He turned his attention to her breasts, running his tongue over the silk bra. He teased her, feeling the soft flesh through the thin material. She was twitching, and moaning slightly. Ray could feel her nipples poking through her bra. He unhooked the clasp with his teeth, and her bra fell away. He bent his head to her breasts, kissing and licking and sucking. Ryan was moaning now, and gasping. Ray lifted his head, and kissed her on the lips. She tasted like pizza and mint and cherry chewing gum. She ran her hands up into his hair, pulling him even closer. He could feel her entire body pressed against his. She was warm, and soft and so was he, but he wasn't soft. Not in the least...

"Maybe we should take this to the bedroom?" Ray suggested, breathless.

"Mmm." Ryan said, her hands coming around to rest on his chest. "Not yet."

"Hmm." Ray said. Her hands were dancing across his back, down towards his hips. He lifted himself up, and her hands slipped down, around his waist and hesitated. She lifted her head to his, kissing him, as her hands felt for him through his jeans. He moaned, driving his tongue into her mouth. She unzipped his jeans, and slid her hand in, and he felt flesh against flesh. He shuddered as she stroked him, feeling nothing but her lips and hand.

"Oh, god..." He moaned. _And she hasn't done this in four years?_

"I think we should head into the bedroom now." Ryan said.

"So do I." Ray agreed, sitting up. He took Ryan's hand, pulled her up, and led her into the bedroom.

A few hours later, they finally pulled away from one another, both feeling more content then they had in a while.

"Thank you." Ryan whispered, resting her head on Ray's chest.

"For what?" Ray asked, confused.

"Everything." Ryan said. "I..."

"What?" 

"Just, thank you." She sighed, her hand resting lightly on Ray's stomach.

"My pleasure." Ray said, stroking her hair.

"I just..." She started again. Ray could tell something was bothering her.

"What is it?" He asked, sitting up. Ryan sat up as well, her hair spilling around her.

"I can't help wondering if...maybe we shouldn't have..." She trailed off, and Ray understood her doubts.

"I know. But we did, and it was great." Ray assured her. 

"You're right. But..." 

"No buts. Please." Ray said. "If I knew you were gonna back out, I wouldn't have done anything."

'I'm not backing out!" Ryan insisted. "I'm just...wondering." 

"That this is wrong." Ray said.

"Maybe." She admitted. "I'm just not a very stable person." 

"Neither am I." Ray said. "We'll be unstable together. It'll be fun."

"Hmm." Ryan said, laughing a little. "Okay. No more buts."

"Good. Now let's get some sleep." They settled back down, and drifted off into the sleep of the truly sated.

 

 

"Good morning, sleepy head." Ryan said when Ray stumbled into the kitchen at eight the next morning.

"Huh? I thought you said you slept late." Ray said, accusingly. Ryan was at the stove, dressed in a pair of Ray's sweat pants and one of his T-shirts. She looked like she was cooking something.

"I thought I'd make breakfast." She said. "I got up early. I do that when I'm not alone."

"Oh." Ray poured himself a cup of coffee, and sat down at the table. "You set the table. Who would of figured you'd turn into Miss Domesticity."

"Yes, well." She said, plopping a fried egg down on Ray's plate. "There's toast too."

"I haven't had breakfast in ages." Ray thought aloud.

"Me neither." Ryan said, dumping more food on ray's plate and sitting down herself. 

"Okay, I have to go to work today." Ray said. "I don't feel right leaving you alone."

"So where'm I supposed to go?" Ryan asked around a mouthful of eggs.

"I don't know." Ray said honestly.

"You didn't really give much thought to this, did you?" Ryan asked. The truth of the matter was he hadn't. All he had thought was that this was the perfect opportunity to get Ryan to realize they could have something special together.

"No, I didn't. Look, um, you could always hang around the station..." Ray suggested.

"Hmm. Not exactly my idea of fun." Ryan said.

"Well, it's either be bored or get shot." Ray said pointedly.

"Point taken. I'll hang around the station. Jake said I didn't have to come to work until this thing is settled. But, could you do me one favor?"

"Sure." Ray said.

"Could you drop by my place and get me some clothes?" She asked.

"Oh, sure." Ray said. "I'll do that first thing."

"Thanks." She said.

"So..." Ray trailed off, not knowing what to say next.

"We don't have to talk." Ryan said. 

"I know." Ray said. "I just haven't had anyone to talk to for a while. A woman, I mean. Well, there's my sister..." 

"Ray! You're babbling." Ryan said. "Stop."

"Sorry." Ray apologized. _Great Kowalski. You're fucking up again._

"Don't apologize." Ryan said, picking up he plate and depositing it in the sink. "Are you done?"

"Uh, yeah." Ray said, shoveling the last bite of eggs into his mouth. Ryan took his plate and dumped it in the sink. 

"Do you mind if I borrow a pair of jeans and a shirt?' Ryan asked. "To wear today."

"No." Ray said. It was no problem with him.

"Thanks." She said. "I'm gonna go get dressed." She left the room and Ray was alone in his kitchen.

_She's right. This is nice. It's been so damn long. Hasn't been like this since Stella. I haven't wanted it to be like this with anybody since Stella. But Ryan's different. She's special, somehow. And look at the mess I've gotten her into. Those goons who broke into her place probably would have killed her if she had been there. And it would've been my fault. But she still slept with me. And it was incredible. She's incredible._

Who'm I kidding? Once this is all over, she'll move back into her place, and then where'll you be? Ray groaned, and buried his head in his hands. He wished he had given more thought to the situation.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked, her hands kneading Ray's shoulders.

"Hmm? Nothing." Ray lied. "I'm just tired."

"Oh?" Ryan asked, leaning against him. He closed his eyes, soaking her in. 

"Yeah." He stood up, and ran a hand through his hair. She was wearing a pair of his jeans and his rawhide T-shirt. She looked rumpled and vulnerable and incredibly sexy.

"Just let me pull on some clothes." Ray said, heading into the bedroom. He got dressed, and rejoined Ryan in the kitchen.

"Let's go." Ray said, and they walked down and out to the car.

"You'll be fine here." Ray said. "There's not much to do, but you'll be safe." Ray, Ryan and Fraser were in the Precinct. Ray and Fraser were about to head back to Ryan's apartment to investigate.

"Okay." She said.

"I'm sure Francesca will keep her entertained." Fraser said.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Ray mumbled. 

"Well, we'd better get going." Fraser said.

"'Kay. I'll see you in a little while." Ray said, smiling. He turned to go, but Ryan stopped him.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing." She mumbled. "Never mind."

"Alright." Ray said. 

"Bye." 

"Bye." Ray turned to go, half hoping Ryan would stop him again. She didn't.

"So..." Frannie said, looking Ryan up and down.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"I don't mean to be rude..." Frannie said, licking he lips.

'What?" Ryan demanded, getting aggravated.

"Well... _Ray_?" She asked, disbelieving.

"What about him?" Ryan asked, perching on the edge of Frannie's desk. She really hadn't wanted to stay here. She wanted to be with Ray. _I've only known him for a little while, but there's something about him...I just don't understand it. For four years I've hardly even looked at a guy, and then Ray Vecchio comes along with his spiky hair and funny voice and sweeps me off my feet. I must be losing it._

"What do you see in him?" Frannie asked.

"I don't know." Ryan said, shrugging. _I really don't. I don't know what makes someone fall for someone else. I fell in love with Nick because...because he took care of me. I never had to worry about anything. He made all the decisions, all the choices. And in the beginning, that was good. But then, it was like there was no my life and his life, it was just one life, and he was in charge._

"So..." Frannie said, trying to keep up a conversation. "You're from Canada?"

"Mm-hmm." Ryan said, distractedly. She was still thinking about her ex-husband. _Why do I...do I what? What do I feel about Ray? I mean, he's sweet, and he's funny, and he a wonderful man. And I love being with him... But I shouldn't get used to it. As soon as this is dealt with, I'll move back into my place, and then where will be? Right back at the beginning. So the question is, what do I want? Do I want a relationship. , because I think that's what I have. I'm so confused! I think I could..._

"Earth to Ryan!" Frannie said, waving hr hand in front of Ryan's face.

"I'm sorry." Ryan apologized, when she realized Frannie had been talking. "I'm a little distracted."

"Uh-hu." Frannie said. "I could tell." Ryan blushed. Was it that obvious what had happened between her and Ray last night?

"I'm just a little shaken up by this whole thing." Ryan explained lamely.

"Oh, I can totally understand!" Frannie said. "See, the same thing happened to me. This whacko was after Ray, so I had to stay with Fraze. For my own protection." 

"Ah." Ryan said, nodding.

"Don't worry. Fraser and Ray will take care of everything." Frannie assured her. 

"I'm sure they will." Ryan said, offering Frannie a weak smile.

 

 

"The intruder was a singular person." Fraser said, after making a detailed inspection of Ryan's home. 

"Okay." Ray said. "We got finger prints?"

"I doubt it. If the man is a professional killer, I don't think he'd be sloppy enough to leave finger prints." 

"Well, I gotta get Ryan some clothes." Ray said, going into Ryan's bedroom. It felt almost like an intrusion of her privacy. He grabbed a duffel bag he had found in a closet, and put a bunch of clothes and what not in it. He also took some cat food.

"Look, Fraser. I wanna get this guy." Ray said. "This is personal, now."

"I'm well aware of that Ray." Fraser said, rubbing his eyebrow.

"What?" Ray could tell Fraser was not completely approving of the situation.

"Nothing." Fraser said. "I just think...well..."

"You think I'm rushing in, don't you?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, maybe I am." Ray said.

"As long as you're aware." They left the house, and Ray was silent on the way back to the precinct. Back to Ryan. 

__

Maybe I am rushing in. so what. It's not like it's not a joint effort. She's doing it too. I might've pushed her a little, but she said herself. She doesn't regret it. And she shouldn't. She's probably the best thing that's happened to me since pairing up with Fraser.

Rushing in. I'm not rushing in. I'm just...sure. Isn't that what love's supposed to be like? And Ray stopped, and realized what he had thought. Love. Because it was true. He was falling in love with Ryan DeRusso.

** **

The End

 

 

 

 

Don't worry! I'm not ending it there. Look for the sequel: All Good Things, in a few months. Or sooner!


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